Bat Brothers
by DC Watchergirl
Summary: The result of me watching too many Batfamily cracks on YouTube. Pure brother fluffiness and pure silliness and not to be taken seriously. There will be several chapters.
1. Chapter 1 Car Trip

Car Trip

 **With Dick driving**

"Dick! Turn off the music!" Jason exclaimed. Jason was in passenger seat while Tim was behind Dick and Damien was behind Jason.

"Hey now, I'm all-star! Get the show on! Get paid and all that…" Dick sang.

"Quit singing!" Jason exclaimed. Jason was trying to turn off the radio while Dick was trying to stop him. Only one arm was on the wheel and his full attention was on Jason.

"It's a free country!" Dick yelled. "I can sing if I want to!"

"Guys! The wheel!" Tim exclaimed. But the other two didn't hear him.

"This is MY car, Jason!" Dick shouted. "I can listen to whatever I want!"

"But there are other people in the car, Dick!" Jason shouted back. "Not all of us like this song!"

"Guys! The road!" Tim yelled. But no one was listening to him.

"Well, I do!" Dick said. "So too bad!"

"Guys!" Tim screamed. "Watch the road!" Damien was listening to music on his headphones the whole time and didn't hear a word of his brothers' fight.

 **With Jason driving**

"Jason! The wheel!" Tim exclaimed. They were having the same problem as when Dick was driving. Dick hated Jason's musical taste and he was trying to turn off the stereo.

"This is still my car, Jason!" Dick shouted. "I say no to this!"

"Well, I'm driving I get to pick!" Jason told him. "It's an unofficial rule! The driver picks the music!"

"So we're allowed to listen to YOUR music and not mine!" Dick yelled. "When it's MY car!" Damien was still listening to music on his headphones.

"Guys! We're gonna crash!" Tim exclaimed. But the older two weren't listening. Tim then reached for Jason's phone that was plugged into the stereo. It was resting on the thing in between the two front seats. He then unplugged Jason's phone while the other two were fighting. They then noticed that music had stopped. They turned to see Tim holding Jason's phone.

"Now will you PLEASE stop fighting!?" Tim asked.

 **With Damien driving**

"Why are we letting him drive?" Tim asked. Now Tim was behind the driver while Dick was now in the passenger seat and Jason and Tim had swapped seats. "Does he even have a license?"

"You're just jealous that you didn't get voted to drive," Damien responded.

"Guys! He's twelve!" Tim reminded them. "If we get caught by an officer with him driving, I'm blaming you guys. I'm not paying the fine!"

"He has a point, Dick," Jason admitted. "I REALLY don't want to go to jail."

 **With Tim driving**

"Okay, no music and no fighting," Tim established. Tim had swapped seats with Damien and now they could proceed to destination. "So where were we going?"


	2. Chapter 2 TV Problem

TV Problem

Tim sat down on the couch. He reached for the main TV remote, the one that turned the screen on and off, he grabbed it but so did Damien. They both grabbed it with their other hand. They were now in a tug-of-war with it and it was no longer on the table.

"Hand over the remote, Drake!" Damien exclaimed.

"No, you had the TV last night!" Tim responded. "It's MY turn! And I want to watch "Murdock Mysteries"!"

"You can do that on your computer!" Damien said. "I want to play my game!"

"You did that LAST night!" Tim replied. "And it's MY turn! And my computer doesn't have that show! It's not on Netflix. Besides, you might like it."

"I'd rather kill zombies then watch some dumb detective show!" Damien replied. "Now give me the remote!"

"Not a chance, midget!" Tim shot back. They continued their tug-of-war until Damien stomped HARD on Tim's foot. Tim loosened his grip a tad bit. But before Damien could take the remote Tim took one hand off and punched him in the stomach. From then on it was just a throw of random punches and the remote dropped out of their hands. After a minute of hair yanking and punching, Dick came out from the cave. He saw the boys fighting and he ran over to them.

"Hey!" Dick exclaimed. Dick then tried to pull the boys apart. "What's going on?"

"Stay out of this Grayson!" Damien shouted. Damien and Tim were still trying to pull punches and as a result some of them landed on Dick, the ones that did landed on his face. About a minute later Jason walked out from cave. He saw his brothers and then the remote. Jason snickered. So while his brothers were busy fighting Jason grabbed the remote. He sat down on the couch and turned it on. It was then that Damien and Tim noticed that the TV was on. They stopped fighting and Dick let go of them. Jason then changed the channel.

"Oh, no," Tim said. "It's not…"

" _Big Bang Theory_ ," Damien finished. Both of the boys groaned. They then went off to their rooms. Dick joined Jason on the couch.

"So when can we watch _Adventure Time_?" Dick asked.

"Never," Jason responded.

 **Note: I don't know what shows or video games the boys like to watch. So please don't flame if I got it wrong. Also there will ones were they are NOT fighting. I promise.**


	3. Chapter 3 Pool Day

Pool Day

 **Happy Easter! If it's not when you read this then have a great day or night!**

"CANNONBALL!" Dick exclaimed as he preformed a front flip off the diving board.

"CAWABONGA!" Tim shouted as he jumped in. It was a hot day so the boys figured it would be a good day to go swimming in Bruce's outdoor pool. Dick and Tim had managed to persuade Damien into coming and dressing in his swim shorts. Jason, unknown to Damien, was in the doorway between the house and outdoors.

"Come on in, Damien!" Tim encouraged. "The water's great!"

"I said I'd come," Damien stated. "I never said I'd go in."

"Come on!" Dick whined. "You're missing out on all the fun!"

"I will gladly do so," Damien responded. "Coming here was already a waste of time anyways." While the boys had been talking, Jason had snuck up behind Damien. "And further more, AHH!" Jason pushed Damien into the pool. Damien landed in the pool with a loud SPLASH. When Damien came out from underwater he heard the others laughing. Damien glared at Jason.

"I am going to kill you later, Todd," Damien told him.

"Good luck with that tater-tot," Jason responded. "You'll have to catch me first."

"So who wants to play Marco Polo?" Dick asked.

"I'll play," Tim said. "Damien?"

"I'm out of here," Damien stated. He tried to climb out but Jason was right above him.

"What makes you think that you'll be able to get out, micro?" Jason said. "You might as well play cause I'm staying right here and watching you make a fool of yourself." Damien growled.

"Fine, I'll play, Grayson," Damien growled. "How do you play?"

"One person is It and they have their eyes closed and they say "Marco" and then everyone else says "Polo"," Dick explained. "The goal for the person that's It is to tag someone else and then they become It. The goal for everyone else is to not get tagged and become It."

"I'll be It," Tim said. He then closed his eyes, went underwater for one minute, and then emerged. "Marco!"

"Polo!" Dick and Damien said from opposite ends of the pool. Tim was dead center in the middle.

"Marco!" Tim shouted.

"Polo," both of the boys responded. Jason was videoing this on his phone. Tim swam in Dick's direction, but since it was a long way, Dick managed to move out of the way. Damien then tried again to get out of the pool by the ladder since he was in the 5 ft. deep zone. Jason, after prompting his phone so that it could still video the activity in the pool, ran to where Damien was. Jason pushed Damien back into the pool, but before Damien fell back in, Damien grabbed Jason's arm and pulled him in with him. Jason was not wearing any swimming attire.

"Okay, NOW you're gonna get it short-stack!" Jason exclaimed. They then started wrestling and made a bunch of noise. Tim swam towards it since they were still playing Marco Polo. Jason and Damien were still wrestling when Tim came over to them. Tim tagged Jason and then opened his eyes and saw who he had tagged.

"Jason?" Tim questioned. "You're playing too?" They had stopped wrestling.

"No," Jason responded.

"Yes," Damien said at the same time.

"Jason's It!" Tim informed Dick before swimming away. Jason glared at a smirking Damien. Damien then swam away. Jason then went underwater for a minute. Damien got out the pool and gestured for them to do the same. The other two followed smiling all the way. They then took their towels and went inside for a snack. Damien grabbed Jason's phone first and made sure it was videoing.

Jason didn't know what they had done. He then came up after his minute was up.

"Marco!" Jason shouted. There was no answer. "Marco!" No answer. Jason opened his eyes to see an empty pool. "Guys!" They all laughed from inside the house. Jason saw them and then saw Damien waving his phone. He was never gonna let him live that down. Jason smirked anyways. He figured this evened things up with him and Damien. Besides, there were worse ways to be humiliated and he'd get his revenge later.

 **If you have any suggestions please send some. I would like to continue this on for more than five chapters, I have two planned but after that nothing.**


	4. Chapter 4 Father's New Girlfriend

Bat Brothers: Father's New Girlfriend

"Father, why are we meeting in here?" Damien asked impatiently. All four of the Robins were in the living room and in casual attire. Bruce was also in casual attire.

"Yeah and why did you need all us?" Jason asked. "And since we're meeting in here I doubt it's because you need us all for a mission."

"Well, there's someone I want you to meet," Bruce said. Damien raised an eyebrow.

"Is this another one of your "dates"?" Damien asked.

"Yes, except this one will be working with us," Bruce answered.

"And hopefully will last longer than the others," a female voice said. A woman walked into the living room towards Bruce, who was in front all of the Robins, former and current. She was Bruce's height, raven haired; blue eyed, and had tan skin.

"Boys, I want you to met Diana Prince," Bruce told them. "Better known as Wonder Woman." He turned to Diana. "Diana, this is Dick, Jason, Tim." Tim waved. "And Damien." Diana held out her hand to shake it with any of the boys.

"Pleaser to meet you all," Diana said.

"Wonder Woman? THE Wonder Woman," Dick said.

"Yes?" Diana responded.

"OH." Dick had his hands over his face. "My friend is a SUPER big fan of you. She is going to be SO jealous when she finds out I met you."

"Or just mad that you didn't invite her," Jason responded. Jason shook Diana's hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Jason also known as the Red Hood."

"The Red Hood?" Diana questioned. Jason nodded. "I've heard all about you from Artemis. She called you….rude, impulsive, reckless, and…sweet."

"Well, I'll be sure to thank Artemis for her complements next time I see her," Jason said sarcastically. Diana turned to the others.

"Do you have a…?" Diana began. They nodded.

"I'm Nightwing," Dick said.

"Red Robin," Tim informed her. Damien was silent until Tim nudged him.

"And I'm Robin," Damien grumbled.

"Well, I've hear about you two," Diana said pointed to Dick and Tim. "I can't say I've heard about you before." She said that while looking at Damien.

"Who told you about me?" Tim asked.

"Cassie," Diana answered. "She said you were brave, smart, and sweet kid who never ceased to amaze her." Tim was ready to blush. Diana turned to look at Dick. "Donna told me about you. She said you were kind, brave, strong, and a fearless leader."

"I'll be sure to thank Donna," Dick responded. "How is Donna? I haven't seen her in a while."

"She's doing well and so is Cassie," Diana answered. She turned to Damien. "So…"

"You hug me and I'll slug you," Damien stated.

"Actually I was wondering if you'd spare with me," Diana responded. Damien had surprise on his face.

"You're serious?" Damien questioned. Diana nodded and Damien smirked. "Prepare to be beaten." Damien raced off toward the clock entrance.

"Now don't get too carried away," Diana responded. "I won't go easy on you." Both of them raced towards the training room in the Bat Cave. Once they had left, the rest of them looked at each other.

"Well, at least we know they're gonna get along JUST fine," Jason said. There was some silence. "Though my money's on Diana."

 **This is in honor of Wonderbat week 2018. The theme for today was Meeting the Family.**

 **Note: This is not one of the ones I had planned so if anyone has ANY ideas for this PLEASE let me know. Have a nice day!**


	5. Chapter 5 Camping Trip

**Camping Trip**

 **Arrival**

"Who's dumb idea was this?" Damien asked.

"It was Alfred's and it's not dumb," Dick told him. "This is a great time and way to have some family bounding time."

"Can't we do that on patrol?" Damien asked.

"You know, not everything needs to involve fighting," Tim said.

"I agree, but of all the things we could do, why are we camping?" Jason asked. They were at a campsite setting up there stuff for a weekend of fun. Or at the least, they hoped it would be fun. Tim and Damien were setting up their tents.

"You don't like camping?" Tim asked.

"It's not that I don't like it, I'd just rather do other things," Jason said. "Like paintball or laser tag or…"

"Or something involving a gun," Dick finished.

"Yeah, pretty much," Jason responded. Tim was struggling with his tent.

"Tim, you need a hand?" Dick asked.

"What, you can't put up a tent on your own, Drake?" Damien mocked. Tim glared at him.

"Thanks Dick, but I'll pass," Tim said.

"Okay, hey, Jay bird! You left your tent in the car!" Dick called. He was starting to set up his tent and he saw Jason heading toward the woods.

"I'll be back to set it up later. I'm going for a walk," Jason said. "And DON'T call me Jay bird." Jason walked off and walked through the woods. When he was about a mile away, he sighed. "This is gonna be a long weekend." Jason walked back to the campsite.

"Okay, who stole the marshmellow?!" Tim asked.

"Idontknow," Dick said with something obviously in his mouth.

"Dick! You weren't supposed to eat those yet!" Tim exclaimed. Damien laughed. "Those were for smores!" Jason went over to the car laughing and pull out his tent bag. "Now what?!"

"Don't worry about it, Timmy," Jason said. "I have a secret stash of marshmellows in my bag. We'll still have smores." Tim sighed with relief.

"Great, but could you please NOT call me Timmy?" Tim asked.

"Nope!" Jason responded. "It's older brother's rights."

"Can I call you Jaybird, then?" Dick asked. Jason glared him. "Well, it IS older brother's rights to give the younger brother a nickname."

"Fine!" Jason said. "But only when it's JUST us."

"Why, EMBARRASSED?" Damien mocked.

"Just you wait, midget, I'll come up with a good nickname for you and it'll be our turn to laugh," Jason shot back.

"Oh! I've got one! Damiwammy!" Tim called out. Damien glared at him.

"NO," Damien said.

"I don't know, I kinda like it," Jason admitted.

"Damiwammy it is!" Dick exclaimed. Damien glared at Tim.

"I'm going to KILL YOU later," Damien told him.

"Huh, good luck with that Damiwammy," Tim mocked.

 **Dinnertime**

"You're not suppose to eat them raw!" Dick exclaimed as he snatched the hot dog package away from Damien.

"I know," Damien responded. "I just like eating meat raw."

"You do know that you can get sick from that, right?" Tim questioned. Damien glared at him.

"Ask me if I care?" Damien said.

"I think I'll pass," Tim responded. "Hey Jason! Want some hot dogs?"

"Not yet," Jason answered. "I'm looking for where my secret stash of marshmellows are. I can't seem to find them." He was digging through his tent. "Ah Hah! I've found them!" Jason pulled out a bag of marshmellows. "Did anyone bring chocolate or graham crackers?"

"I did," Dick said as he pulled them out of his bag. "Did anyone keep their roasting stick?" They shook their heads. "Well, we'd better go get some more."

"How about we just have s'mores tomorrow?" Jason said. "It's getting dark and no one wants to go into the woods just to get a stick."

"Hey, did anyone bring bugs spray?" Tim asked. No one said anything. "So NO ONE thought to bring bugs spray to THE WOODS?! We solve murder cases all the time and yet we didn't have the common sense to bring bug spray!?"

 **The Next Day**

"So what else are you suppose to do on a camping trip?" Damien asked. "Hike?"

"That sounds like a great idea," Tim responded. He turned to Jason and Dick. "So what you do you think? A hike around the lake?"

"Sounds great," Dick said.

"I'm in," Jason said. They left their stuff and went for a hike around the lake. It was about midday. They were almost done when Jason got a perfectly horrible idea. "Hey Damien! Look at this!" Damien came over to where Jason was standing, which was at the edge of the lake.

"What is it?" Damien asked.

"This," Jason said. He pushed Damien into the lake. The rest of them laughed. Then Dick pushed Jason in and he and Tim jumped in.

"Jason!" Damien exclaimed.

"That's for what you did to me on pool day!" Jason responded. He turned to Dick. "Why did you push me in?" He shrugged his shoulders. "That's not an answer."

"If I gave you my reason, you wouldn't like it," Dick told him.

"What's the reason?" Jason asked.

"Because I wanted to," Dick answered.

"That's not a reason!" Jason exclaimed.

"I know that's why I didn't want to respond," Dick told him.

"Well, this IS refreshing after all that hiking," Tim said to Damien.

"I guess you're right," Damien admitted. "And this trip hasn't been THAT bad. You tell anyone…"

"I know," Tim interrupted. "A punishment worse than death. And let it never be said that Damien Wayne enjoys other things than crime fighting and violence."

 **Note: If anyone has any other ideas that I haven't done PLEASE let me know. I've only got one more planned after this.**


	6. Chapter 6 Prank War

**Prank War**

 **Special thanks to Nightwing2013 for giving me the idea for this.**

"Sorry I'm late," Jason said as he walked through the front door dripping wet. "But traffic was horrible because of the rain." Tim, Dick, and Bruce were in the foyer waiting for him. "Wait, where's Damian?" Then an open bag of flour fell onto Jason's head and his head was surrounding by flour and its paper bag. He coughed, took it off, and spat out the flour. "Ahh, great. This is NEVER gonna come out. Who threw that!?"

"Damian! Come down, NOW," Bruce said. Damian came down the stairs smirking and with flour covered hands. Jason glared at him. He was going to pay for that.

* * *

"Let's see how much fun he'll have getting THIS out," Jason said. He had taken out all the shampoo from its bottle in Damian's bathroom and replaced it with glitter and sparkles. He quickly left the bathroom and headed downstairs. Damian then went into the bathroom to shower. That flour was tougher to get out of the floor than he thought. He started the shower and cleaned-up. He applied the "shampoo" to his hair and completed his shower. When he had finished, he turned off the shower and dry off. It was then he noticed the glitter and sparkles in his hair.

"What?!" Damian exclaimed. "How did it…Todd." There was a knock on the door.

"Hey Damian, can I borrow your shampoo?" Tim asked. "I'm out." Damian's frown turned into a wicked grin.

"Sure," he said casually. He grabbed the shampoo bottle, opened the front door, gave it to Tim, and then shut the door. Tim went to his bathroom and showered. When he had finished, he saw the glitter and sparkles in his hair.

"What the heck!?" Tim exclaimed. "Damian!"

* * *

"There, that should do it," Tim said to himself. He had rigged the back door so that when Damian came back from walking Titus, it had cleared up outside since earlier, a bucket of slime would fall on top of his head. Tim ran up and hid behind the railing on the second floor and waited. The door opened and the slim bucket fell onto the person's head. Tim peeked out and saw that he had gotten Dick instead of Damian. "Crud," He muttered. Dick removed the bucket from his head and the slim dripped down his face. Just then Jason entered the room and laughed at the sight.

"This is TOO funny for words," Jason said through laughs. Damian walked in behind Dick and started chuckling.

"You know, green looks good on you Grayson," Damian stated.

"Thanks Damian, I'll be sure to make it my new ensemble," Dick said sarcastically. The two continued laughing until Alfred entered the room.

"Master Damian, I do believe that you missed a few spots in the foyer from your flour prank," Alfred told him. "That needs to be cleaned-up immediately." Damian frowned and stomped off. Alfred turned to Dick. "Master Dick, the master bedroom's shower is empty you may use that so that you don't get that slim all over my clean floor."

"Thanks Alfred," Dick said. He then headed off to that shower. Alfred turned to Jason.

"Now Master Todd, I believe the rest is self-explanatory," Alfred said.

"Alfred, this wasn't me," Jason told him.

"Well then. Master Timothy!" Alfred called. Tim begrudgingly walked downstairs. "Well, I believe you know what to do."

"Yes sir," Tim responded before heading off to get some cleaning supplies.

* * *

"Dinner!" Alfred called. Damian and Tim immediately dropped what they were doing and headed to the dinning room. Jason came down from upstairs and Bruce came from his room. Dick was already there and sitting in a chair. Bruce sat in his usually seat and so did the other three boys. When they sat down, however; powder dust came up. The three coughed and itched.

"What is this stuff?" Tim asked.

"Itching powder," Dick answered. "Have fun getting THAT off. So who did the slime prank on me?"

"Me," Tim said once the powder dust had gone out of the air. "But it was supposed to be for Damian. Sorry about that."

"It's okay," Dick responded. "Hey, where are the girls?" Then a large spoonful of Sour Cream landed on Dick's head. He sighed. "That was Barbara, wasn't it?" The other three nodded and looked up to see the three girls above them and leading over the banister. Bruce and Alfred left silently before the chaos erupted. Stephanie piled shaving cream on Jason's head, Cassandra sprayed Tim and Damian with Greek salad dressing, and Barbara dropped more Sour Cream onto Dick's head. The boys ran of cover as the girls continued to spray, throw, and squirt salad dressing, shaving cream, and Sour Cream.

"We'll get you for this!" Jason exclaimed.

 **The Next Morning**

The three girls woke up to an itchy bed or sleeping bag. They were in the same room having a sleepover. While their beds had been itchy last night, it hadn't been this bad. Stephanie groaned.

"Why is this bed so itchy?" Stephanie complained. Cassandra then found a can underneath her pillow.

"I-i-t-ch-ing pow-der," she read slowly.

"Itching powder?" Barbara questioned. Cassandra nodded and showed her the can. Barbara saw that it was and that there was a note inside it.

"Consider this payback for last night," Barbara read. "Also have fun cleaning up the dinning room. Love, the Bat Brothers." She crumpled the note. "Boys!"


	7. Chapter 7 Merry Christmas

**Merry Christmas!**

"Guess what day it is!?" Dick whispered excitedly into Damian's ear. Damian rolled over in his bed and saw what time it is. Damian groaned.

"Grayson, it's five-thirty in the morning," Damian complained. He pulled his covers over head. "Go bug someone else and don't come back until it's a decent time." Dick pulled the covers off of Damian's face.

"You didn't answer my question Dami," Dick responded. "Guess what day it is?" Damian moaned.

"It's Christmas," Damian muttered.

"What? I didn't hear you," Dick said seriously.

"It's Christmas," Damian repeated louder. "Happy?"

"Indefinitely," Dick responded. Dick shook Damian a bit. "Come on Dami! Wake up!"

"NOOO!" Damian yelled as he hid under the blanket. Dick tried to find Damian but he kept missing him. Eventually Dick got bucked off the bed and landed on the floor on his behind.

"Ow," Dick said. "That hurt." The door opened to reveal a tired Alfred.

"Pardon me but what are you doing here Master Dick?" Alfred asked. "And at this hour?"

"I'm trying to get Damian up," Dick said. "And failing horribly."

"That much is obvious," Alfred responded. "But don't you think you should wait till a more decent hour to wake everyone else up?"

"That's what **I** was telling him, Pennyworth," Damian said. "But he insisted I get up."

"Master Dick, how about you go start preparing things in the kitchen with me?" Alfred questioned. "Then when it's a more reasonable hour you can get everyone else out of bed?"

"Great idea," Dick said. "Sorry about that Dami." But Damian had already fallen asleep and making noise. Dick turned to Alfred. "Who knew the high and might grandson of Ra's al Ghul snored?"

 **A Few Hours Later**

"Merry Christmas!" Dick exclaimed as the other former Robins and then the current one came downstairs.

"Merry Christmas," Jason and Tim responded.

"Merry Christmas, Grayson," Damian said. "Thank you for greeting me at a much more REASONABLE TIME."

"Alright!" Jason exclaimed once he saw the food on the table. "Breakfast time!"

"Now Master Todd, we must wait for Master Bruce," Alfred told him as he blocked Jason from getting to the table.

"Yeah, where's Bruce?" Tim asked.

"Probably still asleep," Dick said. His eyebrows shot up before giving a wicked smile. He turned to his "brothers". "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" They all gave the same smile and nodded.

Bruce was lying in his bed sleeping soundly. He was unaware his four sons had snuck into his bedroom. The boys snuck up to his bed and then pounced onto him.

"Yahhh!" Bruce exclaimed. He shot up and saw that each of his boys were right next to his face.

"Merry Christmas!" the boys all exclaimed.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Face," Bruce ordered. They backed out and Bruce glared at them before noticing the time. He groaned before pulling himself underneath his blankets.

"Come on Bruce, it's Christmas!" Dick exclaimed.

"Thank you for reminding me," Bruce responded sarcastically. Alfred knocked on the door.

"Sir, might I remind you that Miss Diana will be arriving soon," Alfred said. "And it would be better if you looked _presentable_ when she arrived." Bruce groaned.

"Alright you win," Bruce replied as he sat up in bed. "I'll get ready. But first will you boys PLEASE get out of my bed?"

* * *

"Miss Diana, it's very nice to see you again," Alfred greeted.

"You too Alfred," Diana responded as she walked into the entrance. She was wearing blue jeans, a blue sweater, a white coat, and had earmuffs on. She was carrying a large blue fabric grocery bag filled with six boxes. "Do you know where Br-"

"Last one down is a rotten egg all included!" Jason exclaimed.

"That includes you Bruce!" Dick added.

"You too midget!" Jason added.

"Oooohh! You are going to regret that Todd!" Damian exclaimed. Diana walked in and saw the four "brothers" and Bruce racing down the stairs. They were all pushing, shoving, and some were even grabbing the ends of each others sweaters to hinder them except for Tim. Tim, instead, sat down on the banister and slide down it. He ended up reaching the end first and was the first to notice Diana.

"Oh, hi Wonder Woman," Tim said.

"Please Tim, just Diana," Diana responded. She looked at the rest of the boys. "Is it always like this?"

"Pretty much," Tim told her. "I wonder when they're finally going to realize my technique."

"Or that they've already lost," Diana added. The rest of the men then fell over each other and landed on the floor at the exact same time.

"Soooo who won?" Dick asked.

"Me," Tim said. Bruce and the boys all looked up to see Tim standing in front of them.

"How long have you been standing there?" Jason asked.

"Two minutes," Tim responded. Jason slammed his fist onto what he thought was the ground.

"Dang it!" Jason exclaimed.

"Owww!" Bruce exclaimed at the same time. They all looked over at him. "You just slammed your fist into my foot."

"Sorry," Jason responded. Diana leaned towards Alfred.

"Is it always like this?" Diana asked. Alfred nodded.

"Yes, madam it is," Alfred responded.

"So are we going to eat first or open presents first?" Dick asked.

"I think we should focus on getting up first, Grayson," Damian said.

* * *

"Well looks like you've been outvoted Jay," Dick said. "We're opening presents first."

"Come on, Dick, I'm starving," Jason responded. "I didn't eat anything last night."

"And who's fault is that, Todd?" Damian responded. Jason glared at him.

"Okay let's not fight right off the bat on Christmas," Dick said. "Anyway..." He took one of the presents out from underneath the tree and handed it to Jason. "This one's from me. Merry Christmas!" Jason unwrapped it and opened the box.

"A crock pot?" Jason questioned. Dick nodded.

"I thought since you liked to cook it would handy to have one," Dick responded.

"Thanks," Jason said genuinely.

"Ah, don't you start going soft on me Jason," Dick teased. He then picked up another present and handed it to Tim. "This one's for you from me." Tim unwrapped it, opened the box, and pulled out the content questioningly.

"A rubric cube?" Tim questioned.

"Yeah...I didn't know what to get you," Dick responded. "Do you like it?"

"Yes, though I could never figure it out," Tim replied. "Now I have a clean one to start over on."

"Couldn't you just look up how to do it?" Jason questioned.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Tim said as he started fiddling with it. Dick picked up another and handed it to Damian.

"This is from me. Merry Christmas," Dick told him. Damian took it and opened it. He was surprised at the content.

"Art supplies?" Damian questioned.

"Yeah, that way you're not drawing on random pieces of paper or on a tissue," Dick responded.

"Thanks Grayson," Damian said with a smile.

"Now I've got something for all of us," Dick said. He gave them (Jason, Tim, and Damian) each a wrapped box that were the exact same size and he placed one on his own lap. "We've got to unwrap them at the same time. Ready, go!" They all unwrapped theirs except Dick, he wanted to see their reactions. Jason unwrapped his first and pulled out a white t-shirt.

"I'm in the middle I'm the reason we have rules?" Jason read questioningly. Tim pulled out his white t-shirt out next.

"I'm the good one I follow the rules," Tim read questioningly. Damian pulled his out.

"I'm the baby the rules don't apply to me," Damian read. "The latter is true." Dick then unwrapped his and pulled it out.

"I'm the oldest I make the rules," Dick read.

"Dick, I'm not wearing this," Jason told him.

"But Jason what's the point of having matching shirts if we never wear them?" Dick responded. "Come on. Just this once to take a picture."

"So you can post it on Instragram?" Jason said. "No."

"How long do you think they're going to argue?" Diana whispered to Bruce.

"Knowing them," Bruce started. "At least five minutes or until they forget why they were arguing."

"Should we intervene?" Diana asked. Jason then threw a pillow at Dick.

"Oh it's on Jason!" Dick exclaimed as he threw a pillow at Jason. A pillow fight was now underway.

"I'm not getting in the middle of that," Bruce said. A pillow then hit his head. He turned to see Diana holding the pillow. "Oh it's on, princess!" Bruce then picked up a pillow and started swinging it at Diana. The pillow fight continued on with Tim and Damian joining on. Alfred then walked in with a plate of cookies and some glasses of milk. The pillow fight stopped and awkward silence fell.

"Crud," Jason muttered.

"You said it Todd," Damian responded.

* * *

"Alright now I brought some presents for you," Diana said as she pulled out some boxes from her bag.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," Tim said.

"Especially since we didn't get anything for you," Dick added.

"That's alright," Diana responded. "Now this one is for you Richard." She handed one to Dick.

"Please call me Dick," Dick told her. "Richard is WAY too formal."

"Jason this one is for you," Diana said. She handed another to Jason. "Tim." She handed another to Tim. "Damian." He took it from her begrudgingly. "Alfred."

"Oh, miss you didn't have to," Alfred said.

"Alfred, I insist," Diana responded. He took it from her. Dick opened his first and pulled it out.

" _The Greatest Showman_? Awesome!" Dick exclaimed. "I've been wanting this movie for forever. Now we HAVE to watch it!" Jason groaned.

"Great, JUST when I thought I had avoided it," Jason muttered.

"I heard that Jay," Dick responded. Tim got his open next. "What did you get?"

" _Sherlock Holmes_ ," Tim answered. "Thanks Diana. I can't wait to start. Humm. I wonder if I can solve the mystery before Holmes." Jason pulled out his next.

"A cookbook," Jason responded. "Sweet." Damian pulled out his.

"Throwing knives," Damian said. "The gift is great appreciated." Alfred unwrapped his and pulled herbs.

"It's from Themiscyra," Diana explained. "We use them to make tea."

"Thank you miss," Alfred responded.

"Alright now what did you get Bruce?" Dick asked. Diana handed the last box to him.

"Merry Christmas Bruce," Diana said. Bruce unwrapped it and pulled out a photo album. "Wally helped me make it." He started slimming the pages. "It has photos of the League and of us." Bruce closed it.

"I love it," Bruce responded. "Thank you. Now I have something for you." He gave her a small box.

"You didn't have to," Diana started.

"I insist," Bruce responded. Diana began unwrapped it and pulled out a necklace with one pearl on it.

"Thank you," Diana said.

"It was my mother's," Bruce explained. Diana was both shocked and surprised.

"Oh, Bruce I can't..." Diana started.

"I insist," Bruce said as he helped her put it on. "I wanted you to have it." Diana smiled.

"Thank you," Diana repeated. They leaned in for a kiss.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah. Hold up!" Dick exclaimed. They stopped and turned to him.

"What?" Bruce said in clear annoyance.

"Dude, there are kids in the room," Dick told him. "You can't kiss while the kids are present. It's an unofficial rule of parenting."

"He's right," Tim added. "You two will have to wait till later."

"So can we eat now that everyone's gotten their presents?" Jason asked. "I'm STARVING."

"No, now we need to sing carols!" Dick said. The rest of the boys and Bruce groaned.

"Grayson no one wants to do that besides you," Damian told him. "Besides I don't know any."

"Well now is a great time to learn," Dick responded.

"No," Jason said. "Now is a great time to eat. Dick it's almost noon! I need ACTUAL food!"

"Is lunch ready Alfred?" Bruce asked. Alfred nodded.

"Yes Master Bruce it is," Alfred answered. Bruce turned to the others.

"Alright to the table," Bruce told them. "Lunch is ready." Jason bolted for the dinning room. "Walk Jason! You're twenty-one, I should not have to tell you this."

"Well too bad," Jason responded.

 **Merry Christmas everyone!**


	8. Chapter 8 Truth or Dare

**Truth or Dare**

"Alright...Damian, truth or dare," Dick said. He, Damian, Tim, and Jason were in Damian's room having a sleepover of sorts. Damian had his bed while the other three had sleeping bags.

"Dare," Damian responded.

"Okay..." Dick started. "I..." He raised his eyebrows and started chuckling quietly. "Okay, I dare you to put on my old Robin costume and let me take a picture of you in it." Damian stared blankly before shaking his head.

"I'm not doing that Grayson," Damian responded.

"Well you have to tater tot," Jason told him. "It's the rules." Damian groaned.

"Fine," Damian growled. He got off his bed and marched out the door towards the cave. Dick and Jason pulled out their phones.

"This is going to be priceless," Jason responded. "I can't believe you thought of such a sinister thing Dick."

"Me neither," Tim added. "You're usually the nice guy."

"Hey, I can't be nice all the time," Dick said. "Do you think the crooks when they see me just surrender and come quietly?"

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," Tim responded. Damian opened the door and walked in wearing Dick's old Robin suit. They burst out laughing with Jason being the loudest.

"This is too funny for words!" Jason exclaimed through laughs. Damian frowned.

"Just take the picture so I can get out of this disgraceful attire," Damian stated. They didn't hear him; they were too busy laughing themselves sore. Eventually, the laughter died down.

"Okay, okay," Dick said. He took the picture of Damian. "There. Now you can change." Damian walked out of the room and headed to the cave to change back.

"Dude, when he gets back you're dead," Jason told him.

"Totally worth it though," Dick responded. He pulled up the picture and show it to Jason. "Look at his face!" Jason chuckled and Tim did too when he saw it.

"He looks SOO ticked," Jason said. "You HAVE to send that to me."

"Better do it quickly before Dami comes back," Tim added. "He MIGHT destroy your phone to get rid of the evidence of this."

"Good point," Dick responded. He quickly sent the photo to Jason and Tim. "There." Damian then reappeared in the doorway, marched over to his bed, and sat down. He turned to Dick.

"Truth or dare, Grayson," Damian said grumpily.

"Truth," Dick answered.

"Okay...who is your girlfriend?" Damian asked. Dick grew rigid.

"I don't have one," Dick responded as his cheeks grew red.

"Liar," Jason said. "You're getting flustered. Who's the lucky girl?"

"Come on, Dick, tell," Tim said.

"Well..." Dick started.

"Spill, Grayson," Damian added. Jason was drinking his cup of root beer and Damian noticed. "Todd, you're not suppose to have drinks up here."

"Too bad," Jason responded.

"Fine. I'm not cleaning up your soda if it spills," Damian said.

"It's not soda, it's root beer," Jason corrected.

"Whatever," Damian replied.

"Dick, who is?" Tim asked trying to say on subject.

"Well...I'm," Dick started before taking a deep breath and saying very calmly. "I'm dating Koriandr'." Jason was mid-sip when he heard it and he immediately spat it all out on Tim.

"What?!" Jason exclaimed.

"Oh, come on!" Tim exclaimed. "Jason did you HAVE to spit your drink all over me?"

"Better you than the rug, Drake," Damian said coldly. Tim glared at him before turning back to Dick.

"Seriously? THE Koriandr'?" Tim questioned. "Starfire?" Dick nodded. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I was waiting to tell you all next week when we could get together with Bruce," Dick explained. "But anyways...Tim, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Tim responded.

"Okay..." Dick said. "Hhhhuuuuummmmm. Okay, do you like peanut better and sardine pie?" Damian raised his eyebrow in surprise while Jason looked like he'd be sick.

"That sounds disgusting," Jason said.

"Yes," Tim admitted.

"What?" Jason questioned.

"Yes, I like it," Tim repeated.

"Yewwwww!" Jason exclaimed.

"What?! It's not THAT bad," Tim responded.

"Why would you even consider eating that?" Jason exclaimed.

"Well when you have a single dad and money is limited you make do with what you have," Tim explained. Jason was still making disgust-filled faces. "We only had sardines, peanut butter, and a pie crust in the fridge what was I supposed to do!?"

"Starve," Jason suggested. "It's better than eating THAT."

"Guys," Dick interrupted. "Let's get back to the game. Tim, your turn."

"Jason, truth or dare?" Tim asked.

"Dare," Jason responded.

"I dare you to go downstairs and eat a bowl of ice cream with sardines in it," Tim told him. Jason looked mortified.

"No...no, no, no," Jason said. "I'm NOT doing that."

"You have to Todd," Damian told him. "After all, 'It's the rules'." Jason glared at him before turning back to Tim.

"I don't even like sardines!" Jason exclaimed. "Come on, give me another one." Tim shook his head. "Fine." He started downstairs and the others followed. "Why are you following me?"

"Just to make sure you eat all of it," Tim answered. Jason growled. He went down into the kitchen, took the ice cream out of the freezer, scooped some into a bowl, took out a can of sardines, dumped them all into the same bowl, and started eating it. He took one bit and his face scrunched up. He gagged on it.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Jason said. "Do I have to eat all of it?" Tim nodded and Jason glared at him. He continued eating it while make several disgust filled faces. Eventually he ate all of it.

"Good job you did it," Tim responded.

"I don't feel good," Jason said. He then hurled into the sink. He turned to Tim. "Never. Again. Got it?" Tim nodded a bit fearfully. "Let's head back upstairs." They started heading upstairs. "Alright, my turn. Damian, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Damian responded as they headed back into his room. They went back to their original spots.

"Huummmm, I got one," Jason said. "What is your biggest fear?"

"Nothing," Damian answered.

"Now that's a lie," Jason responded. "Everyone's scared of something. What are YOU scared of?"

"Where are you going Drake?" Damian asked. Tim was at the door.

"To shower," Tim replied. "I still have Jason's root beer spit all over me." Tim walked out and headed for the bathroom.

"Anyways, what ARE you afraid of Dami?" Dick asked. Damian glared. "It's the rules!"

"Spiders," Damian muttered.

"What?" Jason said. "I didn't hear you."

"Spiders!" Damian exclaimed. Jason laughed.

"Ah, the great Damian Wayne is scared of itsy, bitsy spiders," Jason mocked.

"Shut-up Todd!" Damian exclaimed.

"Ah, does Damiwammy need a hug," Jason mocked.

"I said SHUT-UP TODD!" Damian yelled.

"Damian, keep it down," Dick said. "You'll wake up the rest of the house." But Damian didn't hear him.

"Oh yeah! Make me," Jason challenged. Damian growled before launching himself at Jason. The boys started wrestling on the floor and were not being too quiet about it. Dick shushed them.

"Guys," Dick started. "You need to keep it down."

"Stay out of this Grayson!" Damian told him. "You're gonna pay for that, Todd!"

"Good luck with that, short stack!" Jason responded. They continued wrestling noisily; they were so loud they didn't hear the knock on the door.

"Hey!" The boys stopped wrestling. "Keep it down in there! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Sorry Bruce," Dick said.

"Now go to sleep," Bruce responded through the door. "Or I'll put you on danger level 15."

"But it's not one yet," Jason complained.

"No it's not one," Bruce agreed. "Three-thirty. And SOME OF US have work in the morning. So. GO. TO. SLEEP." Bruce headed back to his room and heard more yelling. He sighed before muttering, "Honestly, why do I even bother?"


	9. Chapter 9 Who Broke It?

**Who Broke It?**

 **Sorry it's a bit short. Hope it's still funny!**

"So...who broke it?" Bruce asked. He had his suspects, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Barbara, and Cassandra, all lined up against the kitchen wall. The object that was broken was the coffee maker and the question was which one of them broke it. "I'm not mad. I just want to know."

"I did," Cassandra said after a minute or two of silence. "I broke it..."

"No you didn't," Bruce interrupted. He turned to look at his boys. "Dick?"

"Don't look at me," Dick stated. "Look at Barbara."

"What!?" Barbara exclaimed. "I didn't break it!"

"Hummm, odd," Dick said. "How did you even know that it was broken?"

"Because it's standing right in front of us and it's broken. Dicky!" Barbara responded.

"Hum, suspicious," Dick muttered. "Wait? What did you call me?"

"Hey not that it matters but tater-tot here WAS the last person to use the thing," Jason pointed out.

"Liar!" Damian exclaimed. "I don't even drink that garbage! Todd! And don't call me tater-tot!"

"Reallllly?" Jason questioned. "Then why were you standing next to the coffee maker earlier? TATER-TOT."

"Because I use the Splenda and sugar packets for my tea!" Damian responded. "Everyone knows that TODD!"

"Um, let's not fight," Cassie said quietly. "I broke it. Let me pay you back, Dad."

"No," Bruce responded.

"Why not?" Cassie asked.

"Because you didn't break it," Bruce told her. "Now who did?" Damian looked over at Tim who was texting on his phone.

"Father," Damian started. "Drake's been awfully quiet."

"Really Damian!" Tim said. "Did you HAVE to drag me into this!? I didn't break it!"

"Well you do use it the most Timmy," Dick stated.

"Don't call me Timmy," Tim responded. "And why are you taking HIS side!?"

"I'm not taking a side!" Dick exclaimed. "I just want to know who broke it."

"How do we know YOU didn't break Dicky?" Barbara said.

"I...Dicky! Really?" Dick responded.

"I don't know," Jason said. "It really fits you, if you ask me."

"No one asked you!" they all, except Cassandra, exclaimed. They continued arguing on for a few minutes with Cassandra trying to calm them down. Alfred walked in to see the ruckus and raised a questioning eyebrow at Bruce.

"Is this about the broken coffee maker?" Alfred asked. Bruce nodded. "You already knew who broke it didn't you?"

"I broke it," Bruce said. "It burned my hand so I punched it." The five still continued on. "I predict that they're still going to be at this ten minutes from now."

"So what was the point of this?" Alfred asked.

"So I could grab this without anyone noticing," Bruce informed him. Bruce went into the freezer and grabbed the last carton of ice cream then he grabbed a spoon and headed for the cave.

 **Ten Minutes Later**

"Wait where did Father go?" Damian asked. They all stopped arguing and saw that Bruce had disappeared.

"And where did the last bit of ice cream go?" Jason asked once he opened the freezer. He then saw a sticky note on the fridge. "And there's a note."

"What does it say?" Cassie asked.

"I win," Jason read. "What does that mean?" Alfred walked into the kitchen to get some tea.

"Pennyworth, do you know that note is referring to?" Damian asked.

"I believe it means that Master Bruce got the drop on you," Alfred responded.

"Wait...You mean..." Dick started.

"Wait...so did Bruce break the coffee maker and then get us arguing about it so he could steal the last bit of ice cream?" Tim asked. Alfred nodded. They all groaned.

"Oh come on!" Barbara complained. "Seriously!"

* * *

Bruce could hear all of his partners/kids complaining and groaned (and some cursing) from his chair in front of his cave's main computer. He smirked.

"Worth it," Bruce said while he finished off the last bit of ice cream. "SOOOO worth it."


	10. Chapter 10 Revenge

**Revenge**

"Sooooo...who called this meeting?" Damian asked. He along with Cassie, Barbara, Jason, and Tim were all sitting around the dinning room table.

"I did," Dick stated as he walked up and sat at the head of the table. "Now...I've called this meeting to discus how are we going to get revenge at Bruce."

"Revenge for stealing the last bit of ice cream?" Jason questioned. Dick nodded. "Count me in!"

"Me too," Tim said. "I was planning on eating that."

"I'm in," Barbara added. "Cassie?" Cassie nodded.

"How about you Dami?" Dick asked. "you in?"

"Sure," Damian answered.

"Great!" Dick responded. "Now...what would be a great way to get back at him?"

"Ruin his coffee by putting salt in instead of sugar?" Tim suggested. Dick shook his head.

"that's a bit cliche," Dick said.

"Replace his pump hand-soap with clear nail polish?" Barbara replied.

"Not a bad idea," Dick responded.

"Put gray whoopee cushions in the Batmobile?" Damian said. Everyone except Cassie shook their heads.

"What if we put jalapenos in cookies and give them to him?" Jason responded.

"Great idea," Dick responded. "But it doesn't seem epic enough."

"What if..." Tim started.

"What if we do all of them?" Cassie suggested.

"Cassie...that... is... genius!" Dick exclaimed. "All in favor?" Everyone raised their hand. "Alrighty, operation revenge is a go!"

* * *

"Okay, Bruce will be here in a few minutes," Dick said. "Is everything in place?" Everyone nodded. "Good. Now everyone remember. ACT NORMAL."

"Goes for you too Dicky," Jason responded.

"Jay please don't call me that," Dick replied.

"Why not?" Jason asked. "Babs calls you that all the time."

"Doesn't mean I like it any better when she says it," Dick responded.

"Guys! The target is approaching," Barbara announced.

"Thank you for that update, Babs," Dick responded. The doorbell rang. "Now remember, act normal."

"Again, that goes for you too Dick," Jason replied.

"And no one is allowed to say anything about any of them," Dick stated.

"No one is allowed to say anything about what?" Bruce asked as he walked into the living room.

"No one is allowed to say anything about..." Dick said.

"What we're getting to get Alfred for his birthday," Tim finished.

"Yeah! That," Dick responded.

"His birthday isn't for a few weeks," Bruce pointed out.

"Yeah well we figured we should start now," Dick responded. "No time like the present to get started."

"Alright, see you later," Bruce replied. He then walked up to the stairs to his bedroom. Jason gave Dick the 'I told you so' look.

"Not... one...word," Dick said.

* * *

Bruce used his hand-pump soap and rubbed his hands together. He put them under his water and then he noticed that his hands didn't have any soap bubbles on it. His hands also looked shinier.

"What?" Bruce questioned. "Why are my hands shiny?" He walked out of the bathroom and walked down into the kitchen to wash his hands. He washed his hands in the kitchen sink and noticed that there were some cookies on a plate on a countertop.

"Alfred made cookies?" Bruce wondered. "Hummm." Once he dried his hands, he reached over and grabbed on. He picked up one and took a bit. He felt his mouth become on fire. "Hot!" He started panting and went over to the sink and got a drink of water. But that only made it worse. He continued panting as he grabbed the milk from the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk. He quickly drank the cup and felt his mouth cool down.

* * *

"Damian! Come on," Batman said as opened up the Batmobile's overhead roof. He jumped in and heard...a whoopee cushion? Batman frowned and turned back to see his partners starring at him. "Who put a whoopee cushion in here?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh," Dick said.

"Drake did," Robin stated.

"No, I didn't!" Tim exclaimed.

"Yes, you did," Robin responded. "That's what you were in charge of doing."

"No I was in charge of replacing the salt with sugar," Tim said. "YOU were in charge of helping Jason bake the cookies with jalapenos!"

"Wait...YOU all were responsible for those pranks?" Batman questioned. Everyone became silent.

"It was Dick's idea," Cassie said.

"Way to throw me under the bus Cassie!" Dick exclaimed.

"And we didn't even get to the coffee prank," Barbara responded.


End file.
